Yeppie… Becoming a new father can be a formidable task, but there are ten things to keep in mind that will help you, your new baby, and your marriage. If you are a new dad, the studies reveal that one of the best things you can do to bond with your new baby and make your marriage stronger is Change his diaper.
- Give Time and Be Tolerant!
The most important thing you can do is simply spend time with your new-born. Research says in the early years of father-infant bonding couldn’t find fathers spending enough time with their infants to study them. In other words, dads weren’t spending an adequate amount of time with their baby to even start measuring the impact. What we know now is that the time you can just be with your infant is valuable.
Along with time, you will need to have some tolerance for you and your new creation to get to know one another. This is your first time being a father and your son or daughter’s first time being a human being. Be kind and gentle with yourselves. Allow for some learning, experimentation and mutual tolerance. Give yourself time to learn and grow into the role.
- Make Eye Contact with Your Baby! We have known for a long time that infants are drawn to the human face, but with computer-enhanced research we were able to realize what they look at: the eyes. Babies have a preference for the human face in general, and eye contact in particular. The one thing to remember about this is that they can only see clearly about a foot in front of them, so remember to smile, stay close, and look ‘em in the eye.
- Get Used to the Repetitive sounds
Pa-pa, Ma-ma, Ba-ba are the first and most common sounds infants can make. They are simple because the two lips are pressed together with a puff of air pushed through them. That is why most first utterances around the globe for mother, father and bottle use these sounds.
They are easy to make and the infant can get some quick language control and feedback from their environment in this way. (Trust me, the first time your little one says Pa-Pa to you will be a peak experience.) To strengthen the connection, when you hear them making the sound, make it back. Ultimately the two of you can start your own bilabial chorus.
- Infants are fans of motion
They love it and crave it, and need it. They love to be held, jostled, bounced and jiggled. There is good reason for this. Movement helps infants develop everything from their brains to their sense of balance. When you hold your baby, give them a feeling of security, but not too tight or too loose. Don’t be afraid to hold and sway and bounce and cuddle. Learn what he or she likes and cultivate that motion. You want to be the one with that magic touch when baby needs a motion magician.
- You Need to Change that diaper!
So if you want to score points with mom and with your baby — learn the art of diapering and treat it as a shared duty with mom. If you don’t want the faeces to hit the oscillator in your relationship, learn to deal with it at the source.
- Make a play date with baby
Maybe Tuesday is girls night out, or you don’t start work until noon on Thursday, but whatever the schedule can permit, have planned time to be the one and only caregiver for your baby. One-on-one bonding is important. When mom is in the room there is typically a preference by the infant for her to be the one in charge. Take time to figure out what your relationship is with your newborn — just the two of you. This is important. You need to be able to manage this baby thing solo, and there is no other way to get this experience.
- It all boils down to Teamwork
The above point having been said, you also need to realize you are part of a team. You and mom are a tag-team. This may be a different set of skills than when you are one-on-one. As an example, when mom was out and I was joyfully bottlefeeding my daughter with breast milk we had pumped for her, everything was wonderful. But the moment mom came home from her classes, my daughter wasn’t in the mood for Mr. second-best. She could hear and, through the magic of pheromones, smell mom and wanted to be with her. This was the transition time. Recognize that the three of you function like a mobile hanging from the ceiling and are in balance with one another. As the infant’s needs change, the balance of mom and dad will need to change along with it.
- Be responsive
A reach, a look, a cry, anything your little one does to make a connection with you should be honored. Remember — they are just learning how to be in the world. Let them know you appreciate their effort. Studies have shown that parents who are responsive to their infant’s cries and needs help them develop better communication and language skills. It makes sense. If you know you are being responded to, you look to make that process more efficient.
- Love, love, and More Love
No one would argue against the fact that mothers have more of this than fathers, but what dads may not have instinctually they can easily develop. The studies have shown some interesting data that suggests that when parents and children interact, their limbic systems, the emotional part of the brain, actually resonate and adjust to each other. This means that after a while both you and your baby become attuned to the presence of the other.
And that is the kind of synchronisation that can last a lifetime.